The neighbors; B@E#L^O*V$E-D! June 7, 2008

I must begin by stating that contrary to popular belief (and perceptible appearance) I love the good Lord. He and I know that and that’s all that should and does matter.

 

But Lord, even You have to make allowance in Your Good Great Heart for this grievance I suffer, this plight, this cross that I bear for all pagans and atheists the world over.

 

I live next to a Savedees church.

 

These guys are the kings of saved. Surely if they do not go to heaven by their devotion then they should get there by my fervent hope, prayer (and a bit of witchcraft) that they die soon and fulfill their greatest desire, to see You ,Lord.

 

These guys praise God competitor style. They know no other thing but to praise God. If these guys were the government, we would be living in Salem! In their homes, I imagine, they have but barely anything of the world. A table, a chair, a bed, a mattress, if I was one of those hopeless writers with nothing to tell I could fill the rest of this article with all their belongings in not more than  a paragraph (of the short, unelaborated variety.)

 

Now normally these guys are rich, like a fat obese British kid is fat. Not these guys. At least whatever wealth they had they put into buying that blasted P.A system which I would, for not so large a fee, dump in the lake or bash to damnation… I am giving that way. 

These guys also have a distibguishing quality, which in any other case would be termed valuable. In this case however, I can find that it fits the damning flaw! category to the T.

They have determination.

They go and couple this determination with agreeable but equally damning secondary flaws, perseverance, esteem, belief, unfaltering resolve; these guys are the student every teacher dreams of. I am sure Lord, that they please You.

But surely, when their goodness counteracts into the displeasure, the discomfort and the resolve to commit suicide of others, surely that draws a line on the merit of their effort.

 

Many a peaceful night I have woken to the shouts and manic screams for manic they seem at that odd hour of black horrors and mishief… (midnight).

 

I mentioned the P.A system, didn’t I? I did? Because it seems as if I said too little. I said how I would throw it in the lake for free? I said at a fee… well I’ve revised that to “free.”

 

They also have a translator. You know the dude who translates what the preacher has said into a language all can understand.

Trick question; why not speak in the language all can understand in the first place and just off that translator guy. Because we all know the only time the English preacher has their attention is when he says “Jesus,” or “Jesus Christ.” No offence. I jest… OFFENCE!

 

We complained as a neighborhood. Like the kid in the playground who the whole class wedged and then we all got canned because the wimp couldn’t bear the pain like a good old-fashioned class nerd. He went and ratted on us, so did our good P.A system-which I would gladly dump for free-wielding neighbors. They ratted on us.

In their next midnight service, we were prayed for as a group.

Naturally when you go to bed you pray for yourself. God listens to you coz you know; we’re all children of God. Additional prayer on your part is therefore more than welcomed. God is going to pay more attention to you and your needs. That’s a plus, right?

Prayer from these guys? Prayer… from these guys? Let’s just move on.

 

They are based right next door. We own the plot of land I live on. Paid cash and everything. There’s a title somewhere and all. This translates to eternal torment, for as long as we live there. We cannot move away like one of those rented places because it is our house, our land. They have us by the balls, to put it colorfully.

I think what kills me the most is the way they mess up the songs. How the Idols get creative with the songs and change a note here and there. These guys sing “Silent Night” and get you thinking it’s a whole new song. They even messed up “Merry Christmas” for me and I used to love that song.

 

We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you… Oh forget it! It’s gone! The magic is gone!